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Photo Finish
(Chris LeDoux)

At seven this morning I got on the phone
And said to hold my bronc as long as you can.
My car broke down in Billings, and I just got it put together,
I'll be photo finishing into old Cheyenne.

Well here I am in Sheridan and it's nine o'clock
In the morning, and time's a-goin' fast.
I just pulled her over, had some coffee and a doughnut,
And I bought the car a brand new tank of gas.

Well I don't know if I'm gonna make it,
It's nine fifteen; I'll be luck if I ever get there.
By God, now what's that I hear? Is it a si-reen?
Sure enough, he caught me on his radar.

He pulled up behind me and turned on those flashing lights,
A sign that I knew meant, "pull her over."
So I stomped on my brakes, and as I skidded to a halt,
I wiped out three reflector posts along the shoulder.

He got out of his car and was a-walkin' real slow,
So I jumped out and met him halfway.
He jerked out his gun and said, "Mister, are you crazy?
I ain't never seen nobody drive that way."

I told him to take it easy, and he could put up that cannon,
The way he's shakin', it just might go off.
He put up the gun, as I explained my situation,
He listened to my story, the he caughed.

He wrote me out a ticket that seemed to take forever,
I took it and headed for my car.
That cop, he hollered out to me and said, "Hey, cowboy,
You'd better slow down, 'cause you can't outrun this radar."

As I rolled down the road, I was a-cursin' and a-swearin'
About that ticket I had just acquired,
I wonder if I should pay for it, or throw it out the window.
Lit a match and set the damn thing fire.

So I gunned it once again, and was a travelin' down the road
With the gas pedal mashed to the floor,
When I came around a curve, and right there in the highway
There's more darned sheep than I've ever seen before.

I'm going too fast to ever stop, so I just closed my eyes
As the car roars on through the herd.
When I open up my eyes again, there's a sheep on the fender,
And that herder's sayin' some mighty awful words.

The sweat's a drippin' off my hands as I barrel through ol' Wheatland
I'm a nervous wreck and I might be a site
The flies inside this car are buzzing all around me
Guess my 24 hour deodorant quit last night

Sixty-fifty-forty-thirty-twenty miles more,
The rodeo starts in another eighteen minutes.
As I pull in through the main gate, and I hear the Anthem playing,
I can't believe it - thank God I finally made it.

There's only one more obstacle that's standing in my way,
It's a nitwit with a weekend badge.
He's standing by the gate, and as I slide her to a halt,
He says, "Where in the hell you goin' so doggone fast?"

I tell him that I'm entered, and I ain't got time to talk,
My horse is in the chute and I'm late.
He says I need to get a pass from the secretary,
My eyes get red, my heart fills up with hate.

I yell, "You dirty so-and-so, you'd better let me through."
He asked if I'd repeat that once again,
So I wacked him in the mouth and left him lyin' there
On his back, a-kickin' in the sand.

I got there just in time to see my bronc come running out,
His head and tail was held way up high.
I swear he looked right straight at me,
Grinned and gave a horse laugh,
And me - I just stood there and cried.

I turned around feeling helpless and purely dumbfounded,
I looked, and what did I see?
Three highway patrolmen, and a gate man with a fat lip,
And they were all lookin' right at me.

Sittin' in this cell now, I've done a lot of thinking
About that wild run that I made a month ago.
I'm sorry that I'm in this rotten situation;
If I could do it again, I wouldn't have drove so slow!


 

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